Smile For Me
by jarta
Summary: You only have to smile for me, Ritsuka...the reason behind his mother's insanity. note: you must read part 2 to fully understand the fic
1. Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Loveless and its characters.

Author's Note: This fanfic has been born on October 14. My mother's birthday. I was contemplating what to give her and material gifts are out. She's dead. So I dedicate this fanfic to her.

Mama, I'm sorry if I had not been an affectionate daughter to you. I love you and I miss you. I wish that you and Papa are together and happy wherever you are.

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A lone woman stands before the sink washing dishes. Her movements slow and systematic. Occasional sobs and splashes of water could be heard. Moments passed by as she finished, she took a clean clothe to wipe the dishes and utensils dry. She was on the second plate when it suddenly slid off her hands; fell on the floor, shattered into pieces. Her startled cry was heard at the same time the sound of the plate crashing into the floor echoed around the kitchen. Her shoulders started to shake as her sobs became much louder, tears falling down the already wet cheeks. Hands fisted, the cloth crumpled on one of them. An arm was brought up, wiping her face on her sleeves. The action that was proven futile as tears kept welling from her eyes.

Setting the cloth on the counter, she crouched down to pick up the broken pieces. Her emotional status causing her to be careless, she was cut by a sharp fragment. She stared at her bleeding finger, then her tear blurred vision shifted to the object that caused it.

_Wouldn't it be easier to end it all? _

Seconds ticked by as she contemplated, her trembling hand started to reach out towards the sharp fragment when she heard the opening and closing of the front door. She quickly wiped her cheeks dry and carefully cleaned the mess and threw them at the trash can. Hearing the familiar footsteps as it neared the kitchen, she tried to compose herself and turned towards the unfinished chore, picking up the clean cloth. Her back on the door intending to hide something. The kitchen door opened and the person entered the room.

"Mom!" a boy cheerfully greeted her on a low voice. It had been a habit for them not to be loud.

"How's school?" the woman asked trying to imitate her son's cheerful mood.

"Its okay" The sound of a chair being pulled out from the table was heard. She can mentally picture her son sitting on the chair, body leaned forward, and his elbows resting on the tabletop as his hand cup both sides of his face. A smiling face.

The woman finished what she was doing as she listened to her son recounting the day's events at his school, the boy giggling every now and then as he was telling a funny situation that happened in class. As the boy finished his tale, he watched his mother pulling out a drawer and storing their utensils in it. He had sense the familiar stillness that his mother emanates. Standing up, he approached her, his hand reaching out for his mother's skirt and tugging at it. She tried to hide her face with her hair as he peered at her but it was too late. He had already seen it. The puffy red eyes and the bruise on her left cheek.

"I'm sorry, mom," the boy whispered quietly as he wrapped his arms around his mother on a consoling hug, her mother leaning down to return it reveling the warmth that was her son.

It was moments later before they had managed to pull away, the boy looking at his mother, wiping her cheeks dry as she quietly cries. He smiled at her, "Don't worry, mom. I'll help you prepare our dinner to cheer you up."

Her expression softened as she stared at her son's face.

"You only have to smile for me, Ritsuka"

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Author's Rants: I also want to greet Karen Lizzie Aclan, one of my bestfriends, a Happy Birthday! She got the same birthday as my mother. I know I've posted this a month late but this will do. -;

This fanfic has two parts so wait for the the second part.

As you noticed, this fic has no title yet. I have ideas but I'm having second thoughts if it would fit. Mine are: "Motherless" and "Smileless". The second one doesn't exist on the dictionary though and not valid as a word (how do you put that?). Please help me out with the title.

Jarta-sensei wants reviews!

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	2. Part 2

Author's Note: Part 1 was set before Ritsuka acquired amnesia. This fic focuses on Misaki(am i right?), Ritsuka's mother and the reason behind her insanity. Anyway, everyone should read Part 2 because the essence of this fic relies on this part. So hope you like it!

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_"You only have to smile for me, Ritsuka"_

Seeing her youngest son's smile was the only thing she lives for. Ritsuka was the only reason she survives. Her existence and happiness depended so much on her son's affectionate nature. It was her beckon of light amidst darkness.

And then it happened.

Ritsuka had looked at her with eyes that held no recognition. His face solemn. His movements radiated no warmth and happiness. His whole demeanor, solitary and silent.

Those cruel, cruel words said on Ritsuka's odd expressionless voice. "Who are you?"

She had stood there shocked, her body had stilled from reaching out for him. She didn't know how long she had stayed motionless, her mouth trembling, trying to form words to she had no idea how to say. She had felt the presence behind her and turned to find her eldest son, Seimei, his face a stoic mask as he asked his younger brother, "Don't you remember us?"

She turned back towards her precious boy sitting on the hospital bed only to see him slowly shaking his head on negative.

Seimei led her out of the hospital room and some how she acceded. The walls painted white felt like a prison. Like it was closing upon her.

The doctor had been waiting on his office. They sat down on the chairs at the front of his desk. He explained Ritsuka's condition, with Seimei asking questions every now and then.

She can't understand a word they say. The voices drifting and echoing on her mind. Trapped inside, with her fears.

Ritsuka hadn't recognize her. Ritsuka had forgotten about his own mother. Ritsuka hadn't smiled at her.

_No! This can't be! I cannot accept it!_

He's just sick. That's right. Just sick. That's why he's not acting like himself. Just sick. He'll get better. She'll take good care of him until he gets better. Until he is not sick anymore. And then, Ritsuka would again smile for her.

_He would smile again for me._

That was the hope that she had kept and harbored even until the doctor had discharged Ritsuka from the hospital.

Ritsuka had immediately continued attending his school on Seimei's decision. They had lived for years keeping their family dark secrets hidden from others. "Why must change it?" he had reasoned. "Ritsuka's condition would just be one of those secrets." And then he had stared at Ritsuka with a sort of wistful smile on his face.

Day after day, she had patiently waited for Ritsuka to return home from school, waited for his smile, but her hopes slowly crumbled into dust. His expression had remained solemn. And she would catch him staring at her once in a while, as if he doesn't know her at all. Ritsuka would quickly and quietly finish eating the food she had prepared for him before leaving and locking himself on his room. He would stay there all night and would never go out until the next day when he would have to leave again for school.

Her world had lost its only light. Darkness and hopelessness loomed upon her threatening her sanity. And she snapped…

Silence ended as the glass shattered into pieces. She found herself gripping his hair and pulling it painfully as her other hand slapped on his face. She pushed him away and he fell. His hands bled as it met the broken fragments scattered on the floor. Wide shocked eyes stared at her. The face of her son with a shocked, terrified expression. Yet she was not fooled. She knew then. It was not him. It was not her Ritsuka.

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Reviews, anyone?


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